It seems like Politico is at it again, but this time they’ve taken a turn for the absurd. Instead of focusing on real issues like policy and performance in politics, they’ve decided to obsess over J.D. Vance’s beard. Yes, you read that right—his beard. Because when voters are choosing their leaders, what really matters is whether Vance’s facial hair looks more like a “rugged everyman” or an “aggressive Neanderthal.”
Body Language Analysis Gone Wild
According to Joe Navarro, Politico’s so-called body language expert, Vance’s beard is sending all sorts of signals about his masculinity. Navarro claims that beards represent strength and competence, and even imply some sort of deep-seated opposition to feminist ideals. Really? This analysis raises eyebrows—are we seriously discussing facial hair in 2024? It’s hard to believe that someone thinks a man’s beard can define an entire ideological stance.
The Double Standard: Tim Walz vs. J.D. Vance
Now let’s talk about Tim Walz. In stark contrast to Vance, Politico seems to have a soft spot for Walz’s “big bulging eyes,” which they claim show his passionate intensity. Navarro suggests that these saucer-like eyes come from complex facial muscle contractions—because apparently, politicians can’t just express passion through words and eye contact anymore. No, we need an anatomy lesson on the orbicularis oculi muscles instead.
The Ridiculous Comparisons
This obsession isn’t new; it’s almost comical at this point. Back in July, Politico ran another piece analyzing Vance’s beard, even comparing him to Abraham Lincoln. Yes, because any man with a beard must be channeling Honest Abe! What’s next? Are they going to suggest that Vance is trying to start a new Civil War based on his whiskers?
Beard Wisdom: A Contradiction in Analysis
And let’s not forget the irony here: just a few years ago, Politico claimed that beards were symbols of wisdom when discussing Justin Trudeau. It seems their stance on facial hair changes depending on who they’re covering.
A Simple Explanation for the Beard
Let’s cut through the nonsense for a moment. Perhaps J.D. Vance has a beard simply because he likes how it looks. Or maybe—hold onto your hats—he thinks it suits him like millions of other men across America do. Radical thought, I know!
The Absurdity of Political Analysis
Leave it to Politico to turn something as mundane as facial hair into an elaborate political analysis. Maybe next time they’ll analyze his shoes or tie choice—because clearly, those are the qualities voters are looking for in their leaders, right?
A Real Body Language Evaluation
For those interested in actual body language analysis, here’s a real evaluation:
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